In the dating context, men and women have been prescribed different gendered roles, which ultimately shape interactions between them. Different ideas about how a first date should end exist. For those looking to get romantically involved, negotiations for consent and sex begin at the first date, with different consequences for the sexes. Men who have sex on the first date receive very little social backlash, while women who do the same are branded as “loose”. These perceptions are entrenched in stereotypes which oppose notions of sexual liberation, particularly for women. Although appearing seemingly liberated, modern dating culture is infused with discriminatory social attitudes and behaviour.
Social attitudes towards and behaviour on ‘first dates’ may be attributed towards gender role socialisation, which prescribes the appropriate gender infused roles and behaviours on a date (Reynolds, 2016). Females who do not conform to these ideologies (e.g. those who dress provocatively, order an expensive meal or decide to wait until the third date to engage in any sexual activity) will be blamed for leading their dates to believe that some actions served as invitations for sex. This idea of female indebtedness is at the forefront of literature which details expectations on first dates. The occurrence of sex on the first date is attributed not to mutual participation by consenting adults, but rather to the notion that expectation of sex is justified when the burden was placed on a man to take up the bill after a date, for example. Monetary contribution towards a date by a female, or a lack thereof, is directly equated with intercourse. Gender role socialisation dictates that the responsibility of the man is to pay for the date (first or not) while the female is expected to offer sex in return.
While many traditionalists may find this argument viable, we cannot ignore that we live in an era where women are beginning to take charge of their sexuality. We need to examine whether traditional views of dating should remain in place or whether alternative ‘rules’ or expectations for dating should evolve along with the population they govern. It is evident (in literature, the media and in human interaction) that these rules have never produced equitable relations for men and women, especially when negotiating sex. It is high time that women are given the agency to develop their own dating scripts and to negotiate the kind of sexual relationships that they desire, without the possibility of experiencing any negative repercussions.
Reference
Reynolds, A. (2016). The effects of Rape Myth Acceptance and Gender Role Beliefs on perceptions of Date Rape. Unpublished Manuscript, Liverpool John Moores University.